Miracles.

I was talking to someone the other day about a lady with Alzheimer's whose husband recently had a heart attack. This individual was saying she called into "The Prayer Network" for the man who had the heart attack and the prayer counselor she prayed with was praying for the wife too. This individual said, "Wouldn't it be neat if she became well again!? We do know that with God, nothing is impossible!"

My first thought was right, nothing is impossible with God, but then I thought, let's be honest with ourselves, she has Alzheimer's, that's not going to get better. But then I found myself asking myself why couldn't that happen. God brought Lazerus back to life. He cured the blind. He told the guy to get up and walk, and HE DID! God did miracles.

And the Bible says that God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He doesn't change. EVER. So why couldn't He do miracles today?! I guess I've just never really witnessed a "big miracle" like that. Oh how I limit the work of the Lord.

Just think of the amazing things that could happen if we didn't limit God so much and keep Him contained in our little box of how He should be, or what He should do. I often think about the opportunities I have missed simply because I underestimate the power of the Lord. The Bible says several times how God's plan are way better than mine would ever be. So why do I fear that so much? Why am I afraid of the best thing possible to have during my time on Earth? I get so frustrated with my humanness. I hate the whole progression thing. I want to flip a light switch and be "Super Christian" right now. I am lacking in the patience department. When I have patience, that would be a miracle! :)

Miss Independent

I've been reading the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge, which if you haven't read it, I highly recommend it. This is my third or fourth time reading it and it's one of my all time fave's. This book discusses how women are created in the image of God and focuses on how women like to be pursued, play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure and reveal beauty, just as God does as well. John Eldridge also wrote Wild at Heart, which is the equivalent only relating to how men reflect the image of God.

This book brings about so many realities about women, myself included. Tonight, the chapter I was reading was talking about how beauty has been so marred in today's culture. To cover up for our insecurities, we often attempt to control and dominate. They might as well have called that section "Jenny Steinkopf." I find myself again and again struggling with the need to be independent. I would rather crush, crumble and have a mental breakdown before asking for help. Okay, not that bad, but bad enough.

I definitely see this reflected in my relationship with God. I throw out the cliche's: "There is nothing to worry about...God has a plan...It will all work out...Trials strengthen my faith and character..." But yet I find myself questioning if the way I am living my life is really one that is in complete faith and utter dependence on the Lord. I try to plan, predict and control so that I know how and when things will happen. When they don't go my way, I get severely frustrated. I am finding that what I thought was strong and deep faith is just the surface of the so-called "abundant life" that Jesus is calling me to.

I want that life. I really do. But I find myself not wanting to work or sacrifice for it. I'm not sure why. God gave His son for me. The least I could do is sacrifice a little, right? So much to learn...and I have a feeling this is just the beginning

Totally Random Thoughts....

Yes, It's been awhile. My blogging habits are very inconsistent and totally random. And so it goes...

This is not at all how I pictured my life. I'm not exactly sure what I did picture, but I at least thought I would have things a little more "figured out" at this age. I am realizing how unpredictable and uncertain life truly is. I am realizing how little control I have over my life. As much as I fight holding the reigns of my future, I know that it's already planned and God has something great that I cannot even begin to imagine. With that in mind, I don't want to be in control. I want to be amazed at the way God blesses me when I obey Him, which is where the road block comes in. I struggle so much with being independent and doing things on my own. I Hate asking for help. (Notice that hate is with a capital h...) I always thought that when I finished high school, life would be good. I finished high school and realized that "When I finish college, then life will be good." I finished college and realized that "When I find my first adult job, then life will be good." I found my first adult job and realized that life isn't going "to be good" at the next stage. There is always something missing. First it was a degree, then a job, and then a spouse. I thought, "When I get married, then life will be good." What I am actually realizing is that I need to be content at whatever stage I'm in because when I'm living in true obedience to the Lord, I am at the best place I could possibly be. Such a process...