So I randomly decided to blog again. Based on my history, it will probably last a week or two. Funny after re-reading my previous posts, I have a common theme of complaining about the uncertainty of my life and the frustration with myself to be so self-sufficient and controlling. And things haven't changed a bit...sad, I know. You'd think I would learn by now...
I decided in August to apply to the Peace Corps. It's one of those things I've thought about since I finished nursing school. I finally decided I didn't want to look back in ten years and say, "What if..." or "I wonder..." So roughly three months later, I finally interviewed with my recruiter last week. Needless to say, that plan is on hold for now. I don't feel like that's what God has for me. I'm also trying to convince myself to be okay with that. Some days, I question if that's really the case and some days, I wonder if that's what I want for me because this (where I'm at now in life) is way more comfortable.
I was reminded in church this morning that uncomfortable is okay. Pastor Aaron is going through the book of Galatians and today was about Paul's testimony of his life. Prior to becoming a Christian, Paul persecuted Christians and then he started preaching about God and in Galatians 1:24, Paul says that "they praised God because of me." I began questioning who people are praising because of me... Honestly, I like to be praised. I'm a people pleaser. I love it when people are happy with me and what I'm doing. This often gets in the way and I become so concerned with pleasing everybody that I forget about the only One I should be concerned about pleasing.
I was afraid that people would think I was a failure if I didn't complete this whole Peace Corps thing. I started it, I can't stop now. People will think I'm a quitter. Minor detail that God has it all planned out and if I would just give Him a little time, He would show me! Romans 12:2 says, to "be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will." Why do I fight so hard to control and figure it out when it's already perfect?!
I'm trying to be patient and wait on God's timing. I'm also trying to figure out what the heck that means. The fine line between being patient and waiting on God, but also being responsible and doing my part as well. Anyhow, right now, my tenative plan is continue as is and go to Africa for a short-term missions trip this summer through church. I've been on a few missions trips, but none have had any medical side to them at all. I know God has given me a heart to serve in missions, but I'm not quite sure when, how or in what capacity.
In the meantime, God continues to amaze me. I continue to be humbled by various people in my life who encourage and challenge me to live my life as a sold-out Christ follower who truly loves God and others. I've been challenged a lot lately by the word love. It's a verb, which makes it an action. I'm trying to redefine the word love because what many of us know as "love" is not even remotely close to what Jesus meant for it to look like. I'm always challenged by the Love Chapter name game. Look up 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Replace the word love with your name. Is it true? Instead of "Love is patient, love is kind, It does not envy..." Try "Jenny is patient, Jenny is kind, she does not envy..." Sure makes me think about my actions. They will know we are Christians by our love...
Do they? If someone watched what you did on a daily basis, would they know that you are a Christian? I know I have a lot of work to do... PRESS ON! :)
