It's crazy to think that I've already been back from Africa for about six weeks. Time has been flying. I got to show my aunt, Mary, and my grandma my picture slideshow tonight and looking at pictures again makes me miss it.
I've thought a little bit about how this plays into my life and such and honestly, I have no idea. Some days, I feel like I should go back and other days I feel like I should stay here. I loved it there, I really did. I guess right now, I'm at a point where I feel like I'm meant to continue life here, at least until I pay off my student loans.
I feel like the last year or so, God has been teaching me a lot about His character and who He is. Realizing that even though life never stops changing and is always crazy, He is still good, despite my circumstances or whatever else is going on or falling apart around me. Coming to that place of saying, "Yep, this sucks. It's not fair. This is horribly wrong. But God is still GOOD." We live in a messy world full of bad things happening to good people. And I'm not saying that things don't matter or that they don't suck, but coming to that place of understanding that even though it doesn't make sense, God is sovereign and He is still God. Actually believing that God's plan for my life is better than mine and trying to come to that place of total surrender to be open to what that perfect plan is.
I'm not saying my life is great and I have it all figured out and all together. Ha...that's funny. There are many days I get discouraged that I'm at this point and single, but do realize it's through the seasons of feeling lonely that have pushed me closer to God. I realize that there are many things I would miss out on if I were in a relationship with a significant other. I can pick up and leave at any given moment because it's just me. Instead of pouring time and energy into a significant other, I can pour it into ministering to and encouraging other people.
I continue to be amazed by the unconditional grace, love and mercy that is showered on me by the King of Kings. And that I get to be an heir to His throne. Me!? A sinner. But a sinner who is saved by Jesus Christ. That's all for now.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
For those of you who couldn't be in church, here's what I shared:
I’m still processing this whole Africa thing. I can’t believe that I’ve already gone and been back for a few weeks. It has been a continual learning process of learning more and more about God and myself. I could ramble on and on about so many different things so I tried to pick some highlights and tell you about those.
God taught and showed me a lot of things about His character. He used His Word to show me Truth and reveal more about Himself to me and remind me of the Promises I have been given through His Word.
As I was preparing for this trip, the weeks and months before, I would often question God. Was He sure He wanted to send me?! Surely, there must be someone else who could do more than I could. But He continued to open doors, so I kept walking. One verse that sticks out is actually our verse for Project 14:21, that comes from John 14:21. It says, “Whoever has my commands and obeys them, He is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my father and I too will love Him and show myself to him.” And God did just that before, during and after my trip. He has continued to show Himself to me in new ways.
Several weeks before I left, I was frustrated with myself. I felt like I knew these Bible verses in my head, but I wanted to practically apply them in my day to day life. I wanted it to move from head knowledge to heart knowledge and to really believe the things I was saying. And then came the Travel Document Agency…I vividly remember the day I got off the phone with the man who told me they didn’t have my documents yet. I remember crying and thinking, “God!!! I’ve been telling everyone how certain I am that you have called me to go on this trip and now this!!” and it was like He said, “Do you trust me?” and I thought, “Well, of course I trust you. The Bible says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart. In all your ways, acknowledge him and He will direct your paths.” And to “seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you.” God I know that, but what about my documents?! And again He said, “Do you really trust me?” It was so easy to say I trusted God and recite those verses, but when I heard my documents weren’t there, I sure didn’t act like I trusted Him. Of course He knew the documents were lost, He’s God!!! Another verse that has stuck out through all this is 2 Corinthians 9:8, which says, “And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need (including travel documents), you will abound in every good work.” And God did that too. I had literally everything I needed for this trip. I never felt in need for anything.
My earnest prayer in preparing for this trip was that I would see people and things as God sees them. That my heart would be broken with the things that break God’s heart. And He gave me a new perspective. Everything in Africa was so beautiful. The people were all beautiful and I was constantly reminded that these people are God’s children. It just seemed so natural to love them like Jesus would. And then I left. There was that annoying kid on the airplane who screamed the entire last hour. And then that rude lady at the grocery store. That client I saw that one day wasn’t very nice either. I found that I quickly was losing those eyes and loving wasn’t so natural. But these people are all God’s children too. Why hadn’t I earnestly prayed that prayer before I left? Or what had changed since I left Africa? It says in Matthew 25:40, “And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.”
Something that has been on my heart especially since I returned is this idea of community. The church community that is talked about in the book of Acts in particular. It says in Acts 2: 42-47, “And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.”
And then in Acts 4:32, it goes on and says “Now the full number of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common.” I’m no Bible scholar, but I don’t think this means that we have to sell everything we own and be together all the time. But I do think that God makes it very clear that as Christians we are meant to have a certain sense of community and vulnerability with one another that’s not necessarily “normal” in the world’s eyes. So I’ve found myself asking God what that would look like. What would that community look like here in Wadena in 2011?
Several people have asked me if I’ll be going back to Africa. That’s a good question. Part of the trip, I could see myself doing medical missions and other parts of the trip, not so much. Some of you know that I struggle with contentment. I often wonder if I’m in the place that God wants me to be right now. God really used this trip to remind me that He is enough no matter where I am. Whether I’m in Wadena or Africa or somewhere else, He tells me in 2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness.” I’m just an ordinary girl serving an extraordinary God. I’m not sure exactly where He wants me or what’s coming next and to be honest, that scares me some days. But I do know that I am a daughter of the King of Kings and when I’m at the center of His will, I’m in the safest place there is.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)