Sunday Sunday Sunday

As the weeks go on (which they are going extremely fast), I begin to feel a little more burnt out each week. I am at work right now and it seems that the moment I sit down and get a chance to breathe and take a minute out from school work, I immediately fall asleep. I haven't talked to any of my friends in a good week-literally-and I feel like a jerk. There is a fine line I'm walking on...I'm less than three months from finishing nursing school-I have to get my crap done. In three months, I can devote more time to my friends and for now they will have to deal with this. However, relationships are so important and I've often had the thought of "What if one of my friends was in a horrible accident and I lost them?" (Horrible thought, I know...) But I don't know how I would handle knowing that I blew them off so that I could focus on school...it's selfish when it comes down to it. Hopefully, none of my friends are in any accidents in the next three months. Or I will feel like the biggest jerk ever.

On a lighter note...I haven't weighed-in for two weeks. I tend to weigh-in and then eat horribly thinking, I can recover... So I decided to wait to see if it helped, which I don't think it has, but oh well. The intentions were good. Too bad intentions don't lose my weight... My exercising has been going great though. I think I've gone basically every day. I went last night and was there by myself. I ran a little over a mile on a speed higher than normal. I sounded like I was going to die, but I felt great afterwards. I know, it's only a mile, but I have to start somewhere.

I started lifting weights too, which is so depressing. I was a weight-lifting freak back in high school and it's pitiful to see what I can (or can't for that matter) lift now. But I'm sore, so I guess I'm working something, right? Such a long process. Someday, I will be thin and beautiful. Even it's when I die and go to heaven...:)

I suck.

What a prime example of my lack of discipline...I can't even keep up with a stupid blog. I'm sure it has nothing to do with being in school full-time, working, planning a youth group lesson and trying to maintain my sanity.

Anyhow, my last weigh-in wasn't anything to brag about, but I did lose a pound. Better than a gain I guess. I've come to the realization that being tired is my weakness. When I'm tired and I should just go to bed/sleep, I feel the need to eat to stay awake (because often I should be doing homework/studying.) Somehow that justifies it???

I am dog tired right now. I was up at 5:15 this morning and at clinicals all day and just practiced starting IV's---scary! I just got an email that youth group was cancelled-sad because I look forward to meeting with that group every Wednesday, but I have 2 tests tomorrow I haven't studied for along with a worksheet. Yeah school. So I'm sure I'll go home, crash, take a nap and kick myself in the face for not doing homework right away. But right now, my brain is shot and I feel so burnt out. So this is me signing off. Over and out.

2 Weeks Down

So it's finally the end of week 2. I slightly discouraged, but feeling pretty good. The scale at home has not been budging AT ALL. However, I've been feeling pretty good. Not just physically either, but I've noticed an improvement in my emotional, mental and spiritual health and I guess that's more important than a dumb number on a scale. But it would be nice to see that go down. I played wally ball on Monday, which I had never done and it was sooooooooo much fun! I had an hour to spare before going back to work so I went to the gym and decided to go on the treadmill. I ran a 5K!!! It was very slow and took me a long time, but I completed it and that was a big-little step. This whole weight thing is so mental, it's irritating. Tonight, I was thinking about how like 5 years ago, I could go running and if I was tired, I just kept going. I would turn up my music and just go to town and that was that. Now, I barely start gasping for air and I'm ready to quit. I'm anxious to weigh-in tomorrow. Then I am heading to Iowa for the weekend, which may set me back a little because I probably won't go to the gym at all and I'll be eating out and sitting in a car driving for 15 hours. And what do you do then to stay busy in a car-you eat...I'll have to bring some good CD's and rock out instead of munching on snacks. 8 hours and counting to the end of week 2!

Monday, Monday

So the first weigh-in was this last Saturday. I wasn't expecting to do good. It was my last week before starting classes and my only week off from work, which wasn't even technically off. Anyhow, I ate out basically every day, sometimes twice. My main goals are to not eat after 9 p.m. and not to have second helpings, but when I go out to eat, I end up eating whatever I ordered, which is way more than I need. So my goal for this week is to eat out less.

Surprisingly I only gained three tenths of a pound. If I ate like a normal person, I could've actually done really well. I know that exercise isn't my problem. I honestly enjoy a good workout. Between work, school, and the rest of life, I seriously start to get depressed if I don't exercise to release some of that built up energy/anger/agression/whatever you want to call it. I felt somewhat motivated because I ate like crap and still only gained that little bit, so I told myself this was going to be a great week. I just checked the "standings" and I'm in last place...man, I suck.

This has really made me realize how much I lack discipline in my life. Not only in the health area, but in basically every other area of my life too. I was talking to my mom about studying for my nursing boards, which are coming up this Spring. Over my break, I was going through a unit each day. So my amazing mother (truly she is) says to me, "just keep doing a unit a day." Of course, Pessimistic Jenny shoots back with, "I can't possibly do that when school starts. I won't have time" And my mom goes on some schpeel about discipline. Which I have none. Not for school, not for healthy eating, not for studying for my boards...I always have good intentions and that's as far as I get. I had this great idea to get into a habit of waking up early, working out, doing my daily devotions/God time (that's another discipline that needs work...) and then shower and get ready for the day. So I set my alarm for 7:15 this morning. And I got out of bed at 8:15. Just in time to shower and go to class...

Hope this helps...

Just ready Lindsay's blog and am copying her because it seems like a wonderful idea. Maybe if I blog this crazy crap, and knowing that somebody might actually be reading it will hopefully motivate me a little more because right now, I got nothing. I'm telling myself, that "I'll really start hard next week because I'll start class and be back into somewhat of a routine..." So basically just another excuse like I've been doing my entire life!!! I'm so lazy it's ridiculous. I just need to suck it up and get back into the habit. Because I do love exercising, but I haven't done enough in so long that I forget how great it feels after you work up a good sweat. So I'm making it official...my weigh-in will probably suck on Saturday. I'd be surprised if I lost anything. But come Monday...I am working hard!!! (Hopefully...)