I've been reading the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge, which if you haven't read it, I highly recommend it. This is my third or fourth time reading it and it's one of my all time fave's. This book discusses how women are created in the image of God and focuses on how women like to be pursued, play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure and reveal beauty, just as God does as well. John Eldridge also wrote Wild at Heart, which is the equivalent only relating to how men reflect the image of God.
This book brings about so many realities about women, myself included. Tonight, the chapter I was reading was talking about how beauty has been so marred in today's culture. To cover up for our insecurities, we often attempt to control and dominate. They might as well have called that section "Jenny Steinkopf." I find myself again and again struggling with the need to be independent. I would rather crush, crumble and have a mental breakdown before asking for help. Okay, not that bad, but bad enough.
I definitely see this reflected in my relationship with God. I throw out the cliche's: "There is nothing to worry about...God has a plan...It will all work out...Trials strengthen my faith and character..." But yet I find myself questioning if the way I am living my life is really one that is in complete faith and utter dependence on the Lord. I try to plan, predict and control so that I know how and when things will happen. When they don't go my way, I get severely frustrated. I am finding that what I thought was strong and deep faith is just the surface of the so-called "abundant life" that Jesus is calling me to.
I want that life. I really do. But I find myself not wanting to work or sacrifice for it. I'm not sure why. God gave His son for me. The least I could do is sacrifice a little, right? So much to learn...and I have a feeling this is just the beginning
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